Microsoft names new apostle to fill other seat in hell.

Microsoft Corp. yesterday named Kevin Turner, former president and chief executive of Sam's Club, its new chief operating officer.
Turner, 40, who also has served as chief information officer for Wal-Mart Stores Inc., the parent of Sam's Club, will join the Redmond company Sept. 8.
Steve Ballmer, Microsoft's chief executive, cited Turner's background in global technology, sales, marketing and services in announcing his appointment in a companywide e-mail yesterday.
And, as a former chief information officer, Turner has had a customer's-eye view of Microsoft's products that will give him helpful perspective, spokesman Tom Pilla said.
The company said Kevin Johnson, current group vice president of worldwide sales, marketing and services, will work closely with Turner to ensure a smooth transition. Turner will assume the responsibilities handled by Johnson, plus some additional functions, Pilla said.

More...

Turner was overheard unconsciously chanting; "I want to kill everyone. Satan is good. Satan is our pal..."